Friday, November 16, 2012

Here's to another year....

Seeing as yesterday was my 24th Birthday I thought I would write about all the things I learned this past year.

Twenty three things 23 taught me.

1). Waiting on the Lord and sitting idle are two VERY different things.
2). I am indeed attached to my hair
3). being so indecisive makes decisions with lots of options hard, real hard.
4). Pinterest made me believe I could be crafty.
5). Pinterest lied. Well not completely but it definitely gave me false hopes as to how crafty I am.
6). Stress and Chaos means shingles.
7). Being stung by a bee sucks more then I remembered, but then again before this last sting it was just an allergic reaction not both a reaction and an infection.
8). Taking chances with the cute new intern can lead to much more ;) 
9). My driving has gotten worse.
10). Dying my hair red is fun!
11). Taking on too much does make everyone around me suffer.
12). FH's name is not Frank Henry but Stefan. :)
13). In order to receive you must have open hands and an open mind.
14). I am not in control, what so ever.
15). Being oblivious sometimes ends well, although my spacey tendencies hardly ever work out in my favor.
16). Letting go of my expectations is the incredibly freeing. 
17). I am an old soul
18). I put God in a box more often then I like to admit
19). The routines I start now help in the future.
20). I am worse at remembering names than I remember...
21). I get hangery more then I thought (Hanger: hungry and angry at the same time)
22). I should have taken better care of my car.
23). Gods plan is SO much better than mine! (I learn that lesson ALL  the time!)

What a year this past year has been. It has had its ups and downs, but without a doubt a stinking good year. I met my FH, I learned some really hard lessons (like every other year), celebrated lots of fun stuff and worked hard. God allowed some really beautiful things to happen with me and infront of me despite my unwillingness to let go of my selfishness, but it only brought me closer to Him. To say that God is good just doesn't begin to express how good He is. Here's to another year full of His goodness, lessons, new adventures and growth.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

What a weekend.

                              Well it finally happened. I am engaged!!


 This past Sunday (November 4th) after a wonderful weekend at my teammates wedding in Mississippi Stefan picked me up from the airport, took me home to nap and woke me up to take me to the movies. Little did I know Stefan had about 100 of our friends and families and co-workers meet at the movie theaters at 3pm. We arrived right about 3:30pm to a dark and very full theater. I being very oblivious and still a little tired paid no attention to the fact that a 3:45 showing of what seemed like a mediocre movie was rather full. We sat down in the front row of the upper section, as we sat down I noticed a group of young men sitting behind us. So I looked back, instantly they looked down or away from me so I just though they were some awkward teenagers. We watched one preview and then a home movie started....a video of Stefan and my dad! The first question was what was your first impression of Mollie? I lost it, I instantly became a blubbering mess. The video went on to talk about how we become an item, our first date, when he knew I was the one and all that. Then my dad starting talking, I couldn't even try and gather myself. At the end of the video some of the lights came on and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Through the tears I muttered out "yes!"  and the crowd went wild! I turn around to see that the very full theater was full of people I knew and love. It all suddenly made sense. I thought it was a little odd that Stefan's heart was beating so hard and fast that I could feel it in his right arm and we showed up so early for a movie and it was already full. After the shock of being proposed to started to fade I looked at those awkward teenagers to realize it was a bunch of men in their late 20's whom I've met.....lots! Then finally I took a good look at the ROCK on my finger! Now obviously I am going to be biased but this ring is stunning, the center diamond was a gift from Stefan's father to his mother when they found out they were going to be adopting him, his dad died when he was three so she saved the ring for all these years for Stefan to give to his future wife. So  not only is it beautiful and large but it has this awesome story behind it! I am still so impressed that Stefan planned this so well, it was truly perfect! To have my friends and family get to witness such an awesome step in our relationship was incredible as well. Stefan is pretty impressive, guess that is why I want to marry him :)

I am just over the moon. My heart is so full of joy and love right now, I can't wait to marry this man! So let the wedding planning begin. With my life already quite hectic and with the holidays rounding the corner I am going to be even more busy planning this wedding. But I can't even try and express how excited and happy I am right now. I am going to try and enjoy every step of the way for the next seven months. God is so good.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Halloween

Its official fall is here and winter is upon us! its has snowed the last two nights here, not much snow but enough to make anyone excited for the coming months and holidays!


Tonight is the Church's big Fall Fest, we are expecting anywhere from 10,000-20,000 kids to show up tonight. CRAZY!! I will be bringing Mikhail and Khalil with me, pray for me....last year we had a few melt downs. Melt downs aside this is such an awesome FREE event we put on every year. The kids can do so much and get candy. Hundreds of cars will be lined up in the parking lot with their trunks filled with candy to hand out, there will be carnival games and rides, blow up jumpy castles and mazes, train rides, face painting and SO much more. I am so excited for so many kids to get to experience this for FREE! Plus I get to bring the boys and let them go crazy for a little while. Just another reason I love where I work.

Last night at my small group we started making our costumes and carved pumpkins, so much fun! Lately I have been having a hard time with the transition I am in with my role in ministry and well my life in general but last night was a great reminder that God has me right where I need to be. Man He is good. Us girls are making our costumes completely, a first for many of us. We are literally doing this from scratch. We went to Hobby Lobby and bought fabric last night, we got home and started cutting...we immediately felt overwhelmed...how do these crazy crafty moms do this every year for multiple kids?! They are crazy people. I already knew I didn't want to be that mom and now it has been confirmed I am to sane to do this ever again, granted this costume will probably be the cheapest I have bought but way more work then I ever wanted. ha! The reason us girls are working so hard is because at the church every year the college age ministry puts on a party and contest for a Passion trip scholarship. The last two years I have come SO close to winning, two years ago I got second place for dressing up as an old lady (a stinking good one might I add.)


 and last year my friend Brandon and I dressed up as Dog the bounty hunter and his wife (soooo good.) and once again didn't win (the first picture is the real Beth and me, the second is of Brandon and I)


. I don't even want the prize that much (although to have that paid for would be awesome) I just want to win!! The crazy competitive side of me comes out at stuff like this.  So this Sunday night three of my Friends and I will be dressed as Toddlers and Tiaras with our friend Dax as our Pageant dad. We probably wont win but it will be fun.  

So here's to a fun weekend filled with goofy costumes and good friends :) AND CANDY!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

the last three months or so...

Whoa whoa whoa it's already September? And would you look at that, the last time I blogged was in June....Oops!

What a summer it was. Full of lots of new and oh so exciting things like getting stung by a bee and not only having an allergic reaction but having it turn into an infection that would spread to my elbow and would require several trips to Urgent care and multiple antibiotics. I also had Viral Bronchitis in July, I thought I was going to die. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but seriously sucks in the summer. Well either one of those suck any time but summer time is the only time you can be out all day and still want to do something until the wee morning hours, so the fact that most of my summer nights consisted of meds that made me real sleepy didn't help. However this summer was amazing regardless of my health. I spend many nights meeting new people, laughing and growing.

Back in May I started a new relationship...ahh I wish I could better express my excitement for this. In June God revealed a lot to us, which was a little overwhelming for me at first but the overwhelming feeling quickly  turned into excitement and joy! God has been SO good. I couldn't have asked for someone more wonderful. We work together at the church so we have a lot of rules that were already in place and that they bent for us, but because of those rules we have to have a lot of check ins and have get permission to do things. So as of right now we are dating publicly and headed towards engagement, in other words we are courting. My family loves him, as do my friends. I often tell my friends I love easy it is to see that God has prepared us for each other, I love how he pushes me towards Christ, challenges me, pushes me to grow as a person and in my faith. Its really beautiful. Although things have moved rather fast we spent months getting to know each other as friends first...well funny story about that all. From February on he would spend Thursday and Friday mornings at the church doing some fund raising stuff for his internship, while he was here he would come and sit with me when he was done and just talk. For months we would sit and talk for hours and hours about everything and anything, all along I just thought he wanted to get to know me since he was going to be working here and in the ministry I volunteer in, turns out he was asking me certain questions to get to know my heart and see where I was in my walk. He tells the story much better than me. He would read Christian dating books before he would come in and ask me the questions they suggest asking. After a few months of this he FINALLY asked me out, once again I had no idea his intentions or what was going on. I was sooo nervous waiting for him to pick me up that night, I remember pacing back and forth anxiously praying for God to make things clear! For him that was it, actually it was a few times before that but this just solidified what he was feeling.  We waited a few weeks before we went out again, this time we went down town with some friends. That was it for me, I knew how I felt and didn't want to waste anymore time, I had to have him as my boyfriend. There is WAY too much to write today but just be ready for some exciting stuff in the future.

Just like last summer I spent almost every Saturday with two of my very most favorite little men! Mikhail and Khalil changed a ton this summer, Khalil started talking (his speech is delayed so its hard to understand but he sure is talking up a storm) Mikhail started Kindergarten so this summer was all about him being a big 5 year old. We went to the mile high flea market a few times, I bought a bed frame and refinished it, decorated Erica's room. we hung a fruit bowl and put some fabric hanging on it, redid her closet, got new couches, Alaina got a dog and had to move out, our new roommate moves in a few weeks. I went down to New Mexico for a few days to meet Stefan's family, did a ton with the church with staff and college students. Met all 18 million of Stefan's friends, (he has a really cool huge group of friends, most of them he has known since kindergarten).

I am so excited for this fall though, there is so much going on. I leave for a family trip to Disney world next week, best part is my Bestie Nicole will be joining us! She and I will be getting in some much needed girl time, and we will be in Disney world with the fam! Our college fall retreat is coming up in two weeks, just another awesome event I get to be apart of, Lindley (one of my Africa teammates) is getting married and I'm planning a trip to Mississippi to celebrate this new step in her life with her and some other teammates! My 22nd birthday is coming up ( yes I know I look SO good for 22 ;)  )  and SO much more! Fall and summer are my very most favorite times of year, Colorado is so beautiful this time of year and well there is always so much to look forward to!

I say it all the time but trusting in Gods timing is always such a struggle for me, I know He timing and plans are always so much better so why can't I just let go of my own? I really am so excited for what all He has in store for the next couple of months and like always I'm focusing on trusting Him and letting go of my expectations and plans for my life. So here's to a fall full of seeking out Gods plan for me and following Him, let the adventure begin :) 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

repeat offender.


Maybe I should change the name of my blog to the lessons of Mollie oh.

This weeks lesson…letting go. Yesterday I had a few conversations with some good friends that all revolved around my need to control things. I am overwhelmed by some relationships right now because I’m not in control of them. I didn’t plan them nor do I know how they would pan out. I can be pretty go with the flow when it comes to adventures but definitely not when it comes to my personal life and relationships. I want to see them coming and plan how they will fall into place.

The thing is I can’t plan things because I am not in control, yes I can still choose how I react to certain situations but God is one placing people in my life and taking them out. It is all about His timing. Gosh I feel like I’ve said something along those lines before.  

As I sit here writing all this it hits me that this is all a part of the beautiful mystery of life. I don’t know what God has all planned for me. I don’t know how He is going to use me down the road but I get to be surprised constantly and instead of trying to make it all my way I need to let go and enjoy this ride and adventure. So today I am going to enjoy this beautiful adventure I am on with Jesus. It definitely will not be easy and I’m sure I will have to remind myself to let go and enjoy this ride.

Monday, May 21, 2012

lame sauce.

well it looks like my insane schedule has caught up to me. i have shingles. yesterday after two days of itching i caved and went to the doctor, and just what i feared the stress of my crazy life had caught up and my body is shutting down. i feel like its Gods way of forcing me to slow down seeing as i have to take the next few days off from work. which blows, but i do need to rest and catch up on laundry, cleaning and well life. even though i supposed to take it easy i'm pretty sure not dealing with crazy old people and chasing kids is relaxing. so i'm stuck at home bored out of my mind......


seriously i am so bored and its only half of the first day. these stupid shingles itch but they hurt, its dumb. i have a bad attitude about it all to be honest. i'm not bummed that i'm feel like crap because to be honest i dont feel that awful but i'm contagious and i need to relax...its like mission impossible up in here. i'm a martha ( from the bible, the story of mary and martha.) i dont sit idol well or at all to be honest. i like to keep moving, yes i do love lazy days but i'd rather go do something productive or at least fun! some days i dont want to go to work but its usually because i'd rather do something else productive or fun.

i know i'm some how supposed to learn some listen from this and i know i will...at some point. but right now all i feel is bored and a little grumpy. i need an attitude change.

just about every time i get sick its when i'm running the show. this time is no different. for the past couple of weeks i have been trying to do this on my own. with everything going well with my mom and stuff going so badly for Sasha i did what i tend to do.....tried it on my own. i stopped pursuing Gods will for my life. i haven't turned away from Him but i just stopped going to Him first. so like always i'm left with no other choice but to turn to Him. i am a proud woman and admitting that i can't do this on my own is the hardest. i need to take these next few days of doing nothing and make them about focusing on Him and His will. i'm going to dive deeper into His word and refocus my life. i'm worn out and shingles is just a small hint of whats really going on and what could happen.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

small big steps.


its been said you have to start somewhere. so here i am sitting on my living room floor (which smells like burnt plastic?) but not be to confused with laying on the floor, although that sounds way better right about now. i am pondering all of lifes questions....thats a lie, i am thinking how much i hate running and how long i put it off. but i am also thinking about my life, which i seem to do often. i am incredibly blessed, i live a life of abundance. i have more then enough money, friends, food, love, laughter and opportunities. i am forgiven and set free, i have the coolest jobs, i spend my free time with the most amazing men and women and three adorable boys. more often then not i forget that. crazy i know. i live in a beautiful house (which i helped design and my land lords are pretty great) with three awesome women who constantly support me and love me. but enough about that...for now.

most of my life or at least for as long as i can remember i have been a suppressor. i suppress my emotions, i avoid conflict and confrontations at all costs. like really ALL cost. i dont like people to know how i feel. when i was younger i did it because well i dont know really..but now i do it because i dont want people to know how things can affect me or that they could hurt me. because we are broken people and most of the times I've been vulnerable (i HATE that word) in my life it ended up really messy or i got hurt, deeply. i like to ignore my feelings and deal with them on my own, which honestly never works. we arent made to this is life thing on our own. as a woman i am designed to talk, share my feelings and all that jazz. i am constantly telling women to "talk it out and cry because its unhealthy to hold it in, let it out.".... <----- clearly i need to take my own advice, hardest thing ever.

i believe that vulnerability is key to growth, whether its in relationships or friendships it is key. so once again i need to take my own advice huh? crap.

i've had a lot of people tell my empty promises in my life, A LOT. i've had a lot of people leave me when i needed them most, A LOT. but without them i wouldnt be where or who i am today. really. at times i hate to admit that because i also like to avoid admitting to what my life used to look like because who i was- was awful. and by awful i MEAN awful. i lived for the moment, in the moment and for myself. i didnt think twice about what i was doing and how it may affect my life ever, especially in the future. so here i am in the future suffering a lot of those consequences. worst part is i know some of those consequences arent over yet. but with that i know that God will give me grace, strength and all that i need to push through it. He will insure that i will grow from it and He wont leave me. its going to suck but to do it alone would be hell. i know that the road i have chosen will be hard, shoot it is already, but i know its going to be worth it.

back at passion in January one of the speakers spoke about vulnerability and i know without a doubt that God had me there listening for reason.

i want to grow and i want to follow Him so i have to suck up my pride and let go of my fears. i will get my feelings hurt and my heartbroken but it will be good. i will want to hold back, and not let people in but i have to. i really do. for a while now i've avoiding a lot of conversations and situations because i know that it will lead to hard conversation or telling people who i am and why.


Isaiah 40:28-31, read it. i am :)

Monday, April 16, 2012

just some thoughts on life.

this post may end up being rather A.D.D...just some fair warning.

these past few months have been rather strange for me. i once again decied to add to the choas of my life by getting another job. i am now working four jobs, i started nannying three days a week for a couple of hours in the afternoon. so far its been fun and hasnt really effected me in negative way....which i am assuming is a good sign, but we will see ha!

one of the women who led my trip to Swaziland is going back this week. she lives here in colorado, so we've been able to meet up a few times for coffee and dinner. i can honestly say not only was she a HUGE part of my trip and relationship with Christ there but she has been without a doubt a HUGE influence on me and help here. i am so excited for her to go back and to do even more with the Swazis. she and i have talked about a possible extended stay visit to her to help. so be praying about that. i obviously want to go back so badly and it would be so incredible to stay with her and work with her again, but as always i need to seek God and His will and His timing on this.

today i was listening to a song by one of my very most favorite bands NEEDTOBREATHE, the song was streets of gold. one of the lines was "its easy to say there's a reason for this, much harder to know what we say is true". lately i've definitely felt that way. if it was all up to me and my timing i wouldnt be here, i would be in Africa and married. but its not up to me and my timing isnt right. His is, and He is in control. more often then not i am more then ok with my life in God hands, because i've tried for years to do it on my own terms and i messed it up royally every time. but then there are those times when i wish i was in control because then i would have what i want when i want it.

one weekend my pastor spoke about how God takes things away from us not because He wants to hurt us but rather because those things will end up hurting us......shoot. once again i am convicted about how I want thing when I want them and how I want them. i sound so selfish and childish for starters and let me just state the obvious, i will hurt me. God will send me back in His timing, He will send my husband in His timing. i am here in colorado working four jobs, leading a community group, helping out with the college ministry and serving single moms because He is preparing me for what He has in store. once i step away and take a look at the bigger picture i feel rather foolish. because i know that His plan and timing are going to be so much better then mine. so why cant i just trust Him? why cant i let go of my timing and ideas of what my life should look like?

i guess what i'm trying to get at is that starting right now, this very second i'm choosing Him, i'm choosing to let go of my expectations and take a hold of Him and His promises....again. i know He gives me grace but its so frustrating knowing what i know about Him and knowing what i know about me and still trying to do it my way, and getting frustrated when His timing and my timing dont line up.

i have THE best support system ever. my family and friends love me and encourage me always. i've gotten the most wonderful texts and comments on facebook from them and i cant thank you enough. i love how often i am reminded of my worth and how much i am loved. God is so good.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Promises.


Lately I’ve found peace by reminding myself of His promises. His promise that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), that He will fight for me (Exodus 14:14), that He will finish what He has started in me (Philippians 1:16) and that inspite of this life being hard He won’t ever leave me (John 16:33).

I wrote that back in October, and although a lot has changed that paragraph and those promises haven’t.  I went to passion last month in Atlanta and just like last year it was amazing but unlike last year I was actually ready to listen to what God was trying to tell me, I was open to what He might tell me or send me. Not that I wasn’t listening last year but rather I was listening for one thing….Swaziland. and this year I was hoping for that answer just like last year but I was also open to hearing Colorado or anything else He might say.

I heard God loud and clear this year…He was rather stern if that is even possible. I heard Him say “you are where I want you.” I wasn’t disappointed at first…then I met up with a woman I went to Swaziland with, she will be going back until God calls her back here. I’m  a little envious but more excited for her and the Swazis. I heard God tell me I’m where I’m supposed to be our first night and lucky for me He repeated Himself a lot. 

After I got back He continued to remind me that He has called me home for this season (which is a long but wonderfully hard and amazing season might I add.) for a reason. Best part of this is I still don’t see the big picture, so there are more reason I’m here besides the 8 million He already shown me. He knows me well.

Every Saturday and sometimes other days during the week I get to spend with two of my very most favorite boys in the entire world (which is saying A LOT considering I’ve got lots of favorite boys in Africa).  I get to take them places, teach, get to be loved and learn from them. I get to help their mom spend time with their dad, do homework, rest, shower without little bodies trying to interrupt and I get to love her and redefine family for her.

Every Thursday I get to host anywhere between 20-35 college age kids and give them my two cents, little bit of wisdom God has given me and hangout with them. Not only that but I get to spend time with Brandon who  teaches me and shows me more then he will ever know.

I get to live with three BEAUTIFUL young women who are constantly loving and encouraging me. They are simply wonderful.

And now I get to love my parents more than I ever have before, my mama is a fighter let me tell you. I constantly remind myself that this too shall pass, this is just a season, God has a plan even for this, He is allowing this for a reason; a reason I don’t need or have to know.  

Jesus is a daily choice for me, I have to choose Him, choose to live a life that points to Him. Some days I seems like I have to choose him hourly and others it doesn’t feel like that at all.  At the end of the day when I sit back and reflect on it all I am always overwhelmed by Him and His abundant love, His provisions and His heart. He picked me while I was in the darkest part of my life, making the biggest more hurtful mistakes. Not only did He pick me but He made me new, changed my heart and my life. He turned a party girl who was searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong places; into a woman, He has changed my dreams and made them into His, gave me a new heart that longs for Him and His will. I could go on and on…but I wont :)

Sometimes I have to put my pride aside and find the joy in what He’s given me and is doing with me! God is so good, all the time. His love never fails and He never changes.