small big steps.

its been said you have to start somewhere. so here i am sitting on my living room floor (which smells like burnt plastic?) but not be to confused with laying on the floor, although that sounds way better right about now. i am pondering all of lifes questions....thats a lie, i am thinking how much i hate running and how long i put it off. but i am also thinking about my life, which i seem to do often. i am incredibly blessed, i live a life of abundance. i have more then enough money, friends, food, love, laughter and opportunities. i am forgiven and set free, i have the coolest jobs, i spend my free time with the most amazing men and women and three adorable boys. more often then not i forget that. crazy i know. i live in a beautiful house (which i helped design and my land lords are pretty great) with three awesome women who constantly support me and love me. but enough about that...for now.

most of my life or at least for as long as i can remember i have been a suppressor. i suppress my emotions, i avoid conflict and confrontations at all costs. like really ALL cost. i dont like people to know how i feel. when i was younger i did it because well i dont know really..but now i do it because i dont want people to know how things can affect me or that they could hurt me. because we are broken people and most of the times I've been vulnerable (i HATE that word) in my life it ended up really messy or i got hurt, deeply. i like to ignore my feelings and deal with them on my own, which honestly never works. we arent made to this is life thing on our own. as a woman i am designed to talk, share my feelings and all that jazz. i am constantly telling women to "talk it out and cry because its unhealthy to hold it in, let it out.".... <----- clearly i need to take my own advice, hardest thing ever.

i believe that vulnerability is key to growth, whether its in relationships or friendships it is key. so once again i need to take my own advice huh? crap.

i've had a lot of people tell my empty promises in my life, A LOT. i've had a lot of people leave me when i needed them most, A LOT. but without them i wouldnt be where or who i am today. really. at times i hate to admit that because i also like to avoid admitting to what my life used to look like because who i was- was awful. and by awful i MEAN awful. i lived for the moment, in the moment and for myself. i didnt think twice about what i was doing and how it may affect my life ever, especially in the future. so here i am in the future suffering a lot of those consequences. worst part is i know some of those consequences arent over yet. but with that i know that God will give me grace, strength and all that i need to push through it. He will insure that i will grow from it and He wont leave me. its going to suck but to do it alone would be hell. i know that the road i have chosen will be hard, shoot it is already, but i know its going to be worth it.

back at passion in January one of the speakers spoke about vulnerability and i know without a doubt that God had me there listening for reason.

i want to grow and i want to follow Him so i have to suck up my pride and let go of my fears. i will get my feelings hurt and my heartbroken but it will be good. i will want to hold back, and not let people in but i have to. i really do. for a while now i've avoiding a lot of conversations and situations because i know that it will lead to hard conversation or telling people who i am and why.


Isaiah 40:28-31, read it. i am :)

just some thoughts on life.

this post may end up being rather A.D.D...just some fair warning.

these past few months have been rather strange for me. i once again decied to add to the choas of my life by getting another job. i am now working four jobs, i started nannying three days a week for a couple of hours in the afternoon. so far its been fun and hasnt really effected me in negative way....which i am assuming is a good sign, but we will see ha!

one of the women who led my trip to Swaziland is going back this week. she lives here in colorado, so we've been able to meet up a few times for coffee and dinner. i can honestly say not only was she a HUGE part of my trip and relationship with Christ there but she has been without a doubt a HUGE influence on me and help here. i am so excited for her to go back and to do even more with the Swazis. she and i have talked about a possible extended stay visit to her to help. so be praying about that. i obviously want to go back so badly and it would be so incredible to stay with her and work with her again, but as always i need to seek God and His will and His timing on this.

today i was listening to a song by one of my very most favorite bands NEEDTOBREATHE, the song was streets of gold. one of the lines was "its easy to say there's a reason for this, much harder to know what we say is true". lately i've definitely felt that way. if it was all up to me and my timing i wouldnt be here, i would be in Africa and married. but its not up to me and my timing isnt right. His is, and He is in control. more often then not i am more then ok with my life in God hands, because i've tried for years to do it on my own terms and i messed it up royally every time. but then there are those times when i wish i was in control because then i would have what i want when i want it.

one weekend my pastor spoke about how God takes things away from us not because He wants to hurt us but rather because those things will end up hurting us......shoot. once again i am convicted about how I want thing when I want them and how I want them. i sound so selfish and childish for starters and let me just state the obvious, i will hurt me. God will send me back in His timing, He will send my husband in His timing. i am here in colorado working four jobs, leading a community group, helping out with the college ministry and serving single moms because He is preparing me for what He has in store. once i step away and take a look at the bigger picture i feel rather foolish. because i know that His plan and timing are going to be so much better then mine. so why cant i just trust Him? why cant i let go of my timing and ideas of what my life should look like?

i guess what i'm trying to get at is that starting right now, this very second i'm choosing Him, i'm choosing to let go of my expectations and take a hold of Him and His promises....again. i know He gives me grace but its so frustrating knowing what i know about Him and knowing what i know about me and still trying to do it my way, and getting frustrated when His timing and my timing dont line up.

i have THE best support system ever. my family and friends love me and encourage me always. i've gotten the most wonderful texts and comments on facebook from them and i cant thank you enough. i love how often i am reminded of my worth and how much i am loved. God is so good.

Promises.

Lately I’ve found peace by reminding myself of His promises. His promise that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), that He will fight for me (Exodus 14:14), that He will finish what He has started in me (Philippians 1:16) and that inspite of this life being hard He won’t ever leave me (John 16:33).

I wrote that back in October, and although a lot has changed that paragraph and those promises haven’t.  I went to passion last month in Atlanta and just like last year it was amazing but unlike last year I was actually ready to listen to what God was trying to tell me, I was open to what He might tell me or send me. Not that I wasn’t listening last year but rather I was listening for one thing….Swaziland. and this year I was hoping for that answer just like last year but I was also open to hearing Colorado or anything else He might say.

I heard God loud and clear this year…He was rather stern if that is even possible. I heard Him say “you are where I want you.” I wasn’t disappointed at first…then I met up with a woman I went to Swaziland with, she will be going back until God calls her back here. I’m  a little envious but more excited for her and the Swazis. I heard God tell me I’m where I’m supposed to be our first night and lucky for me He repeated Himself a lot. 

After I got back He continued to remind me that He has called me home for this season (which is a long but wonderfully hard and amazing season might I add.) for a reason. Best part of this is I still don’t see the big picture, so there are more reason I’m here besides the 8 million He already shown me. He knows me well.

Every Saturday and sometimes other days during the week I get to spend with two of my very most favorite boys in the entire world (which is saying A LOT considering I’ve got lots of favorite boys in Africa).  I get to take them places, teach, get to be loved and learn from them. I get to help their mom spend time with their dad, do homework, rest, shower without little bodies trying to interrupt and I get to love her and redefine family for her.

Every Thursday I get to host anywhere between 20-35 college age kids and give them my two cents, little bit of wisdom God has given me and hangout with them. Not only that but I get to spend time with Brandon who  teaches me and shows me more then he will ever know.

I get to live with three BEAUTIFUL young women who are constantly loving and encouraging me. They are simply wonderful.

And now I get to love my parents more than I ever have before, my mama is a fighter let me tell you. I constantly remind myself that this too shall pass, this is just a season, God has a plan even for this, He is allowing this for a reason; a reason I don’t need or have to know.  

Jesus is a daily choice for me, I have to choose Him, choose to live a life that points to Him. Some days I seems like I have to choose him hourly and others it doesn’t feel like that at all.  At the end of the day when I sit back and reflect on it all I am always overwhelmed by Him and His abundant love, His provisions and His heart. He picked me while I was in the darkest part of my life, making the biggest more hurtful mistakes. Not only did He pick me but He made me new, changed my heart and my life. He turned a party girl who was searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong places; into a woman, He has changed my dreams and made them into His, gave me a new heart that longs for Him and His will. I could go on and on…but I wont :)

Sometimes I have to put my pride aside and find the joy in what He’s given me and is doing with me! God is so good, all the time. His love never fails and He never changes.

My how time flies

Two years ago today I was flying home from 13 weeks in Swaziland. I was so excited to be coming home and to shower and sleep in my own bed. On my very long flights home all I could do was dream about what was going to happen next. I wanted to go back to Africa soon and knew my life was going to very different. Little did I know.

I look back now and think if I only had a small clue of what these past two years would look like I would have died. These past years have been hard but absolutely amazing. Even though I often long for Swaziland and to be back there with my teammates I am so glad I’ve been here doing ministry and experiencing life. I have the most incredible friends who I met after I came home. I have learned so many lessons I couldn’t have learned if I was anywhere else. I’ve worked at the coolest places doing the coolest things. I’ve lived with some freaking amazing women. I’ve seen God work in ways I never could have imagined. and He has used me in ways here that I couldn’t been used in Africa. I could go on and on. I mean seriously though just look at my last couple of blogs…hello God is so cool! So good. I know He will send me back one day and as much as I long for that day I need to focus on the tasks at hand. Let me just brag for a second on what amazing things God is doing with me here. He is allowing me to serve the most wonderful woman and her two sweet boys. I mean come on dude what did I do to get this gig? Nothing. Pretty cool. Not only that but He got me this job at my church, let’s just talk about that. I get to serve the college students in this area and do the coolest stuff with them? Yes please. But once again what did I do to get this? Nothing. His provision is so COOL!!! Its gets better and better. I helped start two community groups that are thriving and growing constantly….whoa back this up. me? Mollie? Holy moly. I can’t help but point to Jesus on all of that. I in no way am capable to do any of that on my own. Nope can’t even try and claim that as my own doing. I live the best life, I have hardships and struggle with a lot of stuff but He is good, constantly, always. Today yesterday and always.

Two years ago I had no idea what was about to start. I couldn’t have guessed even close. I miss my teammates, I miss living, working, playing and growing with them. They taught me many lessons and showed me what community is. I am so thankful for each and every one of them, they helped mold me and shape me into who I am today. I also miss my Swazi’s. I know God has a plan for my teammates and my Swazi’s. I am truly blessed with the community I am surrounded with right now, working and living and growing with. I couldn’t be more blessed. And  I am so excited what God is going to do in the next two years!

tomorrow!!!

Holy crap tomorrow is my 23rd birthday! Where has the time gone? I am totally aware of how young 23 is, however I cannot believe how fast that came up.


This last year has seriously flown by so quickly, it seems like just yesterday I was in Disney world with Justin and Nicole celebrating my 22nd birthday. Sheesh.

This year really felt like the year of abundance. I am over whelmed just thinking about how much has changed and how much God has given me, His provision is flawless.

I think what I am most looking forward to on this birthday is how I’m starting it out. The first thing I get to do tomorrow is go to the staff devotional at Flatirons church! How cool is that? And right after the devo I’m taking my staff photo for the website, um hello best birthday present. I swear tomorrow just keeps gets better and better, after I take my picture I then I get to go to the staff thanksgiving lunch. I am so excited.

I am so thankful for all the lessons I learned this year, even though most of them were hard I know that they were shaping my character and making me grow. I’m also so very thankful for all my wonderful friends. I seriously have the best friends a girl could ask for. They love me unconditionally, support me through it all, listen to me vent, put up with my ridiculous laugh, allow me to be me even when its not always the prettiest or most loving, hold me up when all I can do is cry, call me out when I’m wrong (which is more often then I would like to admit) and are always encouraging me. I am beyond blessed with the people in my life.

I’m looking forward to this next year in my life. I am so excited to see where God takes me and what He has in store. And if 23 is anything like 22 its going to be incredible.

Bring it on 23! :)

a little recap on summer.

For some odd reason I always think October is the official end to summer, I have no idea why.


So with the “official” end of summer comes PICTURES!!!

This summer was full of boys, I was constantly with Brandon, Grant, Kaleb, Mikhail and Khalil, which is good because those five boys also happen to be my favorite boys. :)

This summer was hot one, let me tell you. My house was built in the 60s or something so of course that means no A/C, my car is slowly dying so that means no A/C oh and it was like 100 every day! Haha I’ve lived in worse but still not ideal.

September was a very busy month. Brandon and I started our new community group and the first month was amazing, lots of new and old faces. I really love how quickly my little living room fills up on Thursdays.

Grant, Brandon and I threw Kaleb a little birthday party at my house on his actual birthday since Bianca had to work late. It was fun, we played, watched a movie, ate and had lots of presents!

We took Mikhail and Khalil to the aquarium and the museum.

Bianca threw Kaleb a big birthday party with a jumpy castle.

I also hosted a bridal shower with an Alice in wonderland theme.
Like I said its been a busy month. I love how God works, I say that a lot but its true. His timing and provision are always perfect. I will never get over it.

 one happy boy!

 handsome boys arent they?

 Bianca is so beautiful!

 they loved the jumpy castle.

 kaleb was ready for cake.

                            such a serious kiddo.        

                                      
 Kaleb LOVES his Mr. Grant, so does Khalil

 Mikhail at the museum.

 the bridal shower table.

wasting time.

The other day I read one of the most amazing blogs. It was about how we waste the years of being single looking for the right person and whining about why were single when in all reality our single years are the best time to grow closer to God and to discover who you really are.

“….making the most of being single means being on your own. It’s just you and God. Being single is about discovering who you are. Setting personal boundaries, knowing your likes and dislikes, your passions, and the desires of your heart……if you don’t know these things about yourself you’re going to date the wrong person. You will end up living a story that is unintended for you.”

I just love that quote. It sums it all up. Being 22 and single means that this is my prime time to grow and learn, however I wont lie this is really hard to live out because I am at the age when most people meet their spouses and get married and start having kids, so its easy to become impatient or distracted.

Lately I’ve found peace by reminding myself of His promises. His promise that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), that He will fight for me (Exodus 14:14), that He will finish what He has started in me (Philippians 1:16) and that inspite of this life being hard He wont ever leave me (John 16:33). Because the truth is with or without a husband God will follow through on those promises. There is no time like the present to live those promises out.

I highly recommend everyone to read the blog. www.goodwomenproject.com