Lately I’ve found peace by reminding myself of His promises. His promise that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), that He will fight for me (Exodus 14:14), that He will finish what He has started in me (Philippians 1:16) and that inspite of this life being hard He won’t ever leave me (John 16:33).
I wrote that back in October, and although a lot has changed that paragraph and those promises haven’t. I went to passion last month in Atlanta and just like last year it was amazing but unlike last year I was actually ready to listen to what God was trying to tell me, I was open to what He might tell me or send me. Not that I wasn’t listening last year but rather I was listening for one thing….Swaziland. and this year I was hoping for that answer just like last year but I was also open to hearing Colorado or anything else He might say.
I heard God loud and clear this year…He was rather stern if that is even possible. I heard Him say “you are where I want you.” I wasn’t disappointed at first…then I met up with a woman I went to Swaziland with, she will be going back until God calls her back here. I’m a little envious but more excited for her and the Swazis. I heard God tell me I’m where I’m supposed to be our first night and lucky for me He repeated Himself a lot.
After I got back He continued to remind me that He has called me home for this season (which is a long but wonderfully hard and amazing season might I add.) for a reason. Best part of this is I still don’t see the big picture, so there are more reason I’m here besides the 8 million He already shown me. He knows me well.
Every Saturday and sometimes other days during the week I get to spend with two of my very most favorite boys in the entire world (which is saying A LOT considering I’ve got lots of favorite boys in Africa). I get to take them places, teach, get to be loved and learn from them. I get to help their mom spend time with their dad, do homework, rest, shower without little bodies trying to interrupt and I get to love her and redefine family for her.
Every Thursday I get to host anywhere between 20-35 college age kids and give them my two cents, little bit of wisdom God has given me and hangout with them. Not only that but I get to spend time with Brandon who teaches me and shows me more then he will ever know.
I get to live with three BEAUTIFUL young women who are constantly loving and encouraging me. They are simply wonderful.
And now I get to love my parents more than I ever have before, my mama is a fighter let me tell you. I constantly remind myself that this too shall pass, this is just a season, God has a plan even for this, He is allowing this for a reason; a reason I don’t need or have to know.
Jesus is a daily choice for me, I have to choose Him, choose to live a life that points to Him. Some days I seems like I have to choose him hourly and others it doesn’t feel like that at all. At the end of the day when I sit back and reflect on it all I am always overwhelmed by Him and His abundant love, His provisions and His heart. He picked me while I was in the darkest part of my life, making the biggest more hurtful mistakes. Not only did He pick me but He made me new, changed my heart and my life. He turned a party girl who was searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong places; into a woman, He has changed my dreams and made them into His, gave me a new heart that longs for Him and His will. I could go on and on…but I wont :)
Sometimes I have to put my pride aside and find the joy in what He’s given me and is doing with me! God is so good, all the time. His love never fails and He never changes.
