I am now a parent, a mom, well legally at least. Levi is 15 so calling me mom isn't exactly going to come naturally or ever. Plus if you do the math that makes me 10 almost 11 years older than him so even if he wanted to call me mom it would be a little awkward for others to hear.
If I were to say things have been easy or smooth every parent would know I was lying. Weather your child is an infant or out of the house you know how hard it is to be parent. So for those of you who do not have children allow me to give you some insight as to what life is like with kids or at least a teenager....
Long gone are the days of quiet....seriously he makes so much more noise than I ever thought. Not that I ever thought our house was ever that quiet but now looking back it was so peaceful and quiet. Because Levi still doesn't know very many people or the area very well he stays home A LOT which only makes our tiny house feel smaller and Levi seem louder.
I all too often here the following: "I'm hungry", "I need help with my homework" "I don't want to do my homework" "My stomach hurts" " I need_____" "Get me some chips" "Get me____" "Stop it Mollie" "Gah you're so annoying" "I don't like you" "you can't tell me what to do" "You don't know" "Shut up" "Go away" "Leave me alone" "Back off me" "Call Stefan". Just to name a few...
And all too often I find myself saying "Levi stop" "I am serious" "Wait until Stefan comes home" "If you don't want me to talk about your balls then don't talk about them around me" "GROSS!!" "NO, I said stop" "Oh my gosh" 'Turn that down" "Chew with your mouth closed" "I don't care what you think or want to do" "I do love you"
Many nights after a long dinner, discussion about his attitude and homework I end up wide awake worrying. Worrying about his grades, his friends or lack there of, his attitude, how the next four years are going to turn out, how we are going to ever add a baby into the mix (NOT that I am pregnant or wanting to be right now), worrying about finances and wanting to call my own parents to apologize for the awful teenage years of my own life. Shoot even calling my teachers from high school to apologize.
I truly love Levi, I love his personality, his sweet heart, his loyalty and his goals in life. He drives me crazier than anyone else which is saying a lot seeing as I have a husband who does the same ha! But when he sits on the couch with me to tell me about his day at school with such excitement and urgency in his voice my heart breaks. It breaks for the little boy who didn't have a "normal" childhood, who has to be the man of the house his entire life, the little boy who was never a little boy. But my heart also melts, I love those moments they make me feel like maybe just maybe we are doing something right.
I have always been aware of what a privileged and wonderful childhood I had but since Levi came into my life back in 2012 I have become painfully aware of how protected and privileged I am. And just how important this time in his life is. Stefan and I have been trusted by God to make sure Levi graduates, is exposed to a healthy and happy family and most importantly His love. So we go to church as family every weekend, we eat dinner together as often as we can, we go to family stuff as often as we can and we have family movie nights tons.
There are far more hard nights than easy ones but I wouldn't change a things because I know God has a plan for this all and I know these hard nights will not only build Levi into the man God is going to use in big ways but they will also strengthen my marriage and faith. As I sit and reflect on the past five years I fall to my knees in awe of what God has brought me through and done with my life. Five years ago I was in Africa trying to figure out what God wanted from me and my life. What it means to follow Him and who I am in Him. If I had only known a tiny glimpse of what was to come......I can't wait to look back five years from now in awe of what God has done with Levi and his life. But in the same thought I want to focus on the here and now with Levi. I want to enjoy him and the season of life we are in.
So here I am on my knees asking God to get me through each day and asking Him to remind me to live here and now. Enjoying each baby step we take with Levi, each smile, hug and I love you.
